Happy National Coming Out Day! If you are LGBTQ+ and coming out, congratulations! You’re an important part of your community and deserve to be celebrated. If it doesn’t feel safe for you to come out, that’s okay. It’s important to prioritize your safety! What are safe ways you might be able to celebrate being you?

In Extension, we share a mission to serve all residents with research-based information they can use in their own lives. LGBTQ+ people are part of every community; approximately 1 in every 14 people identifies as LGBTQ+ (Brown, 2023; Jones, 2022). We cannot fulfill our Extension mission without recognizing, acknowledging, and serving LGBTQ+ people.

Why National Coming Out Day (NCOD)? NCOD was first observed in 1988 as a way to bring awareness to LGBTQ+ issues and to counter homophobia. October 11 was selected as the date because it was the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. National Coming Out Day 2023 is historically significant because we are living in a time of unprecedented attacks against the LGBTQ+ community. Over 580 bills have been proposed in 2023 that target LGBTQ+ rights, such as ability to access medical care, education, or even simply use public restrooms. As a result, the Human Rights Campaign has declared a State of Emergency for LGBTQ+ people.

The phrase “coming out” refers to an LGBTQ+ person sharing that they are LGBTQ+ identified to themselves or with another person. Coming out is stereotypically seen as an important developmental event in the lives of LGBTQ+ people (Cohen & Savin-Williams, 2012), although coming out is an active process LGBTQ+ people have to consider strategically within relationships to other people (Marrs & Staton, 2016; Orne, 2011). Coming out can have many positive benefits for LGBTQ+ people, such as self-growth, empowerment, and connection with LGBTQ+ community (Goodrich & Ginicola, 2017).

While coming out is in part about how much someone has acknowledged their own identity, coming out is largely about how open, receptive, or supportive an LGBTQ+ person thinks people around them may be. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth who perceived themselves to be a burden to people in their lives experienced greater coming-out stress, depression, and suicidal ideation (Baams et al., 2015). Studies of LGBTQ+ youth find positive self-esteem is associated with higher social support, whereas lower social support is associated with higher depression, anxiety, substance use, and shame (McDonald, 2018). In schools with supportive policies, LGBTQ+ students have fewer depressive symptoms and lower suicide risk (Ancheta et al., 2021). Being supportive and affirming of LGBTQ+ people is suicide prevention.

Unfortunately, coming out is not always positive or safe. Being visible is vulnerable and for some can lead to social rejection, discrimination, bias, or victimization. Nearly 60% of LGBTQ+ people have reported being subjected to bias or discrimination, such as slurs, microaggressions, threats, harassment, or violence (Casey et al., 2019). LGBTQ+ people of color experience disproportionately more discrimination and bias (Casey et al., 2019), which impacts suicidal ideation (Sutter & Perrin, 2016). Research about LGBTQ+ people across multiple generations has found older LGBTQ+ people grew up during times when the only messaging about LGBTQ+ people was negative, may have delayed coming out, and experienced frustration or anger at unsupportive environments (Dunlap, 2014). Support for LGBTQ+ people has increased over the past 30 years, yet as of 2017 only 50% of the U.S. believed “homosexual relations were never wrong” (Adamczyk & Liao, 2019)*.

Whether and when to come out are highly personal decisions. If someone chooses not to come out, their LGBTQ+ identity is still valid. LGBTQ+ people deserve to be supported, affirmed, and celebrated!

What should you do when someone shares their LGBTQ+ identity with you? You can:

• Thank them for sharing or tell them you are glad they shared.
• Tell them you support them.
• Ask what you can do to be supportive.

When someone shares their LGBTQ+ identity with you, you should not:

• Ask them why they kept a secret from you, why they did not trust you before, or if they thought you would react poorly
• Tell them you already knew
• Take offense or be angry that they had not already told you
• Tell them you “don’t get” or “don’t understand” their LGBTQ+ identity
• Share their LGBTQ+ identity with another person

What can you do create welcoming and affirming environments?

• Post a rainbow sticker in your office.
• Learn about LGBTQ+ terminology.
• Reflect on your own assumptions and language use. When you meet someone, do you assume their gender or pronouns? Do you assume what gender their partner(s) may be, or that they would have a partner?
• Shift your language use towards gender inclusive language. For example, instead of saying “ladies and gentlemen,” you could say “esteemed guests,” “everyone,” or “folks.” The National Institutes of Health have a guide for gender neutral language here.
• Practice using correct pronouns. If you find out someone uses pronouns different than what you expect, practice on your own using that person’s name and correct pronouns. For example, “Courtney works for University of Illinois. They do work about mental health. They have a giant dog.” You can learn more about pronouns here.
• Introduce yourself with your pronouns in conversation, in e-mail, and/or on Zoom/Teams/Skype, if you are comfortable doing so.
• Correct yourself and other people if the wrong pronouns are used.
• Include LGBTQ+ people in program materials (e.g., examples in programs, marketing materials).
• Think about LGBTQ+ people in your community when you are writing your plan of work. How will your programs serve LGBTQ+ people?
• Review office and organizational policies to ensure LGBTQ+ people are included.
• Celebrate or observe important LGBTQ+ holidays. Check out the HRC's National Coming Out Day website and resources here.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

*A note on language: the word “homosexual” is becoming seen as derogatory by some parts of the LGBTQ+ community; it is used here because it is the wording from a specific set of surveys to the general public in the U.S. I would not advise using “homosexual” unless someone specifically tells you that is how they identify.

References

Adamczyk, A., & Liao, Y.-C. (2019). Examining Public Opinion About LGBTQ-Related Issues in the United States and Across Multiple Nations. Annual Review of Sociology, 45(1), 401–423. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-soc-073018-022332

Ancheta, A. J., Bruzzese, J.-M., & Hughes, T. L. (2021). The Impact of Positive School Climate on Suicidality and Mental Health Among LGBTQ Adolescents: A Systematic Review. The Journal of School Nursing, 37(2), 75–86. https://doi.org/10.1177/1059840520970847

Baams, L., Grossman, A. H., & Russell, S. T. (2015). Minority stress and mechanisms of risk for depression and suicidal ideation among lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth. Developmental Psychology, 51(5), 688–696. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038994

Brown, A. (2023, June 23). 5 key findings about LGBTQ Americans. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/sh...out-lgbtq-americans/

Casey, L. S., Reisner, S. L., Findling, M. G., Blendon, R. J., Benson, J. M., Sayde, J. M., & Miller, C. (2019). Discrimination in the United States: Experiences of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer Americans. Health Services Research, 54(S2), 1454–1466. https://doi.org/10.1111/1475-6773.13229

Cohen, K. M., & Savin-Williams, R. C. (2012). Coming Out to Self and Others: Developmental Milestones. In The LGBT Casebook (pp. 17–34). American Psychiatric Publishing.

Dunlap, A. (2014). Coming-Out Narratives Across Generations. Journal of Gay & Lesbian Social Services, 26(3), 318–335. https://doi.org/10.1080/10538720.2014.924460

Goodrich, K. M., & Ginicola, M. M. (2017). Identity Development, Coming Out, and Family Adjustment. In Affirmative Counseling with LGBTQI+ People (pp. 61–73). American Counseling Association. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.co...02/9781119375517.ch6

Jones, J. M. (2022, February 17). LGBT Identification in U.S. Ticks Up to 7.1%. Gallup.Com. https://news.gallup.com/poll/3...cation-ticks-up.aspx

Marrs, S. A., & Staton, A. R. (2016). Negotiating Difficult Decisions: Coming Out versus Passing in the Workplace. Journal of LGBT Issues in Counseling, 10(1), 40–54. https://doi.org/10.1080/15538605.2015.1138097

McDonald, K. (2018). Social Support and Mental Health in LGBTQ Adolescents: A review of the literature. Issues in Mental Health Nursing, 39(1), 16–29. https://doi.org/10.1080/01612840.2017.1398283

Orne, J. (2011). ‘You will always have to “out” yourself’: Reconsidering coming out through strategic outness. Sexualities, 14(6), 681–703. https://doi.org/10.1177/1363460711420462

Sutter, M., & Perrin, P. (2016). Discrimination, Mental Health, and Suicidal Ideation Among LGBTQ People of Color. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 63. https://doi.org/10.1037/cou0000126