A team we worked with was doing well except for a couple of team members who didn't get along very well. At the end of their time with us, we asked how their relationship was going. Particularly we asked if they could trust the other person. One of them replied "yes". Initially, we were excited about their progress! They continued to say they could trust them to be a jerk. What?! After some follow-up questions, we learned the behaviors they exhibited to this team member supported predictive trust NOT vulnerability-based trust.
They predictably provided evidence of treating others like a jerk. To move to vulnerability-based trust we need to be more emotionally open with each other. This leads to displaying empathy for one another. Then we are more likely to ask for help. More likely to admit when we've been wrong and apologize. All this starts with more recognition and appreciation for one another.
The average knowledge worker has just 15 minutes a day to reflect on what they've been so busy doing. We've systematically scheduled meaningful human connections out of our daily activities. Yet we know showing appreciation for our teammates supports an environment of trustworthy behaviors.
"Our job in life is to make a positive difference, not prove we're right."
-Peter Drucker
When we watch out for and correct compliance issues from our team members it sends the message we don't trust them. They think we're watching for mistakes instead of supporting them.
When we observe with the intention of catching them doing something great it shows our appreciation for the value they bring to the team and organization. When you catch someone doing something awesome, show them some L.O.V.E.!
L = Listen
When we show up for people through active listening our empathy and understanding grow. It supports our intention to learn and grow together! Silent and listen use the same letters, think about it.
O = Observe
The evidence we get from others' behaviors gives us all the clues we need for how they are doing every day. Everyone is dealing with something we know nothing about unless we expand our awareness. Be aware because you care!
V = Value
We're all good at a couple of things. Really good. Celebrate them! There is a ton of value in human skills we witness others displaying to team members. And we can only be truly effective through our strengths. What is rewarded will be repeated so watch for both!
E = Express
When we routinely express our appreciation for others it makes recognition our most abundant resource. This is essential for great teamwork. We can't go it alone, we were never meant to. We need others to be successful for our success. Get more gratitude!
Back to our "jerk". If we had used some L.O.V.E. in that situation it may have turned out better. What other people do and say is a reflection of where they are in their life. It's never personal.
Leadership is influence. Our influence is felt by others through our behaviors. Our behaviors are driven by our core values. Aligning our behaviors to support vulnerability-based trust is a great step toward being the person we want to work with. Listen, learn, and lead with love!
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