“Only self-confidence makes freedom & dissent possible. An organization that brainwashes employees to think alike will only breed complacency & make itself unappealing to anyone who might inject some oxygen into it.” – Ricardo Semler
Think about a time when you were offended by a complaint. Perhaps it was a question someone posed. Did it feel like it was directed at you in a meeting in front of others? Do you remember your response? Was it appropriate for the situation? Was it positive & encouraging?
Whether it’s a sensitive or benign topic, our response can make all the difference. When questions or complaints are brought forward, do you take them personally? Admire their courage?
The 5 Second Rule
Take a deep breath & wait 5 seconds before responding. This aids in processing what has been presented & helps reframe the challenge. Take some notes, literally count to 5, whatever slows you down a bit. At first, this exercise will seem like time is standing still. Over time, it will prove to be very valuable & others may pick up the waiting habit as well. If you’re like me & your brain is loading up a response just as quickly as people are talking, this will save you! For healthy discourse to happen we have to respond tactfully so trust can thrive.
Challenge the Process (not the people)
I’ve come to embrace fixing the process & coaching the people. If we boil down what has been presented to the 1%, the essence, we often find the issue is a failure of a process, not the people. The process has led to frustration & manifested itself in complaints. When we focus on fixing it, team members feel supported & valued. Processes don’t have feelings, people do. Solving a process gets our creative energies flowing in the right direction & puts the emphasis on a learning faster environment. Get to the 1% of the issue, not what the person complaining didn’t do to fix it. This gets everyone on the way to less finger pointing blame avoidance and more win/win!
Gripes Go Up
In the movie “Saving Private Ryan” this concept comes up. Of course, this is a military movie & in the hierarchy of this type of organization, leaders can be sheltered by rank. Subordinates learn to just do their job, not question orders & squelch their individual thoughts. This is part of being “institutionalized” inside any organization of this type. The way our companies are set up can conspire against us. Developing a healthy environment that encourages & embraces engagement can be a lonely venture. In the end, we know it’s worth it! Unless you work for yourself, we all have a “boss”. Try this: Simply have people bring issues up with the next responsibility level above them. This will serve to properly frame the details of the concept/idea & remove the feeling you’re working on some secret agenda. To get traction on any idea we need buy-in & input from those we work with. This concept can cause the necessary momentum needed toward any change initiative. After all, you don’t have a “movement” until someone else joins you!
An Agreement
One of my favorite books examines this topic from a different angle. In the book “The Four Agreements“, the second agreement is “Don’t take things personally“. Don Miguel Ruiz says…
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
Wow! What a concept to digest. If we can get to the point where we recognize this truth, it works wonders. Jealousy & contempt can fade. Competition is replaced by collaboration. Just like life, this is easy to say, hard to do. It’s supposed to be hard, if it was easy everyone would already be doing it! Nothing in life that comes easy carries much meaning anyway. Get this little book of wisdom, you’ll love it!
Before ever discovering this book, a couple university coaches I worked with instilled this concept in their own way. They modeled being upfront with players telling them how much they liked each of them as people. How much they respected them for the commitment they had made & the people they were becoming. It was our responsibility as their coaches to help them improve if their "football" was bad. If they took this coaching personally it would only inhibit personal & team progress. Separating these helped our staff remove a huge barrier to improvement…negative emotional responses.
A Bit of Psychology
A Head Coach I worked with encouraged the process of coaches yelling at coaches, never coaches yelling at players. After all, as coaches, we were responsible for teaching the players what was needed of them. Coaches yelling at each other reinforced that concept & was a public reminder that we held each other to agreed upon expectations. This coach to coach yelling engaged the players to work hard & pay attention so their coach didn’t get criticized in front of everyone. The results? Loyalty soared & team unity was built quickly each season. The value of this can’t be understated.
By creating an environment where players (colleagues) can become the best version of themselves & can excel with their talents, the team improves exponentially. It also encourages leadership development from all the coaches whose primary responsibility is serving those they lead. Leaders holding each other accountable for good & bad just works. The applicability of this concept to what you do will take careful consideration.
Power of Influence
A young man I had the pleasure of meeting in a leadership development workshop was the bold questioner type. As I learned from his supervisor, his queries during weekly meetings weren’t always met with empathy or compassion. He felt belittled in front of his peers & unsupported by leadership. This continuous reaction to his questions was very damaging to his self-esteem & depression began to set in. He grew more isolated from his peers. It wasn’t long before this caught the attention of his supervisor. The situation was addressed but the “hurt” would not be overcome easily. They decided to arrange a transfer to help get him on track. Not knowing he already felt hopeless, just 5 days before his transfer the young man took his life.
Bullying had won.
Situations like this should never be tolerated by anyone regardless of title or position in any enterprise. This is an extreme example but the shock value shines a light on a basic premise; the need to see others as people to be loved not things to be used. Everyone deserves that & frankly, deep down, we expect it. If we expect it for ourselves, what makes us so quickly forget when it comes to others? You don't have to be in a higher position or better than someone to coach them, you just need to care courageously about them.
By encouraging everyone to “complain” in a healthy, tactful way & altering our response methods, the entire team will realize a value greater than the sum of the individuals in it. Isn’t that the place we all want to work?
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