It happens every day...
You're driving on the highway and inevitably there's someone driving crazy. Going faster than everyone. The cost of a ticket isn't a deterrent. Rules don't apply to them. They're dodging in & out of the lanes like it's the Indianapolis 500!
This has a major effect on you and those around you. You put on the brakes. You change lanes. Your pulse goes up. You have passengers double check their seatbelts. You're on high alert!
The dialogue in your head might look something like this...
Who do they think they are? Nobody is a good enough driver to drive like that! Don't they know how nervous it makes everyone else when they drive that way? THIS isn't the "defensive" driving we learned in Driver's Ed? If they're that late for something, they need to get up earlier! They better be headed to the hospital!
You're under the bad driver's influence.
You don't feel safe.
You're in survival mode.
Car Wash
Your body has just given you a "car wash" of adrenaline. Thanks amygdala! This helps us react quickly to real (or perceived) threats. Our "react now - think later" mode is VERY effective! While this helps us deal with threats, it takes our brain out of the equation. Appropriate for the driving example, but in a conversation with our boss, colleague or spouse it can work against us. Just when we need our brains the most, adrenaline makes them disappear. This is biological, it's going to happen.
After a couple of deep breaths to help dissipate the adrenaline, start with facts. They are driving faster than the speed limit (so are many others). They didn't use a turn signal when they changed lanes. Etc, etc. These slow us down and begin to bring us out of the influence of adrenaline caused by the outside threat.
It may be true they're driving that way because of an emergency. This is a story like the others mentioned above. The problem is we won't know if any of these are true (probably). Since our brains want order & pattern they quickly go to work figuring out the threat. These thoughts & feelings come to us in stories. They are judgemental because they are brought to life by fear.
Every day we face situations just like this. When triggers happen we must have the self-control to avoid undesirable behavior and the self-discipline to achieve our desired behavior. We have to learn how to engage our higher level knowledge system after the threat happens.
The Driver
They aren't suffering from some moral defect, it's that they aren't thinking about others in that moment. They don't know how their behaviors are affecting others.
In that moment, they don't realize the influence they have on those around them. They forgot leadership is influence. They forgot leadership is realizing it's not about you, it's about what you're doing for others. They forgot leadership is also all about you and how your behaviors provide the evidence of your authentic intentions.
We all fail to be the person we really want to be. We're human. Driving crazy won't get you to your destination any quicker and could have really bad consequences. It's the same when we try to deal with everyday critical situations under the influence of our natural biological "survival" mode. The communication won't be effective and could have bad consequences. Thank the amygdala for the help, develop your own way of dealing with this biological response and you'll have a huge influence on those around you!
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