Have you ever found your ability to make a choice and act upon it lacking? Choosing and acting define the broad concept of volition. Some label this as having the power to use one’s free will. But in times of stress or anxiety, we sometimes feel hindered in our ability to exercise that choice and action. We may even feel powerless, frozen in place, and unable to act at all.
Can you think of a time when you felt unable to make a decision and then act? It could be something major or minor. Take a moment to reflect.
Penn State professor and author Dr. Heather Holleman has researched human volition, and has suggested one key question that you can ask someone (or that we can ask ourselves), that will help: “What are your choices?” If you can name just one thing that you might do, you can unlock your potential for taking action. . . deploying your volition.
In real life, after asking the first question and breaking through the mental block, simply follow up with: “Then what? What’s your next step?” If you or someone is struggling deeply, you might be more specific: “What is a small task today that could get you moving?”
Ryan and Deci (2000) link volition to self-determination theory and concepts of intrinsic motivation. They say human beings can be proactive and engaged or, passive and alienated, largely based on our social conditions (i.e., those things bringing us joy or stress). So when someone is feeling particularly anxious or stuck, we must examine what factors are at play that might be undermining their intrinsic motivation and self-regulation (to take action). That can be difficult unless you first gain perspective and get un-stuck. Again, one simple question (above) can help.
When serving as a mentor, we sometimes are directly asked, “What do you think I should do?” This is a natural and expected question. But it’s one we should never answer. Instead, Holleman suggests a simple redirect: “What do you think you should do?” This is not cheating! You are still there in conversation, engaging with the person who’s struggling. But, by asking this, you’re helping them with self-reflection and perspective change. You’re also sending a message that they can be empowered to think and act… that their volition is intact if they only activate it. Holleman notes that these volitional questions can help others feel in control, exert agency, and escape feeling trapped. They can also help them focus or regain focus on their goals.
Your challenge: Think of someone (perhaps a friend, family member, or coworker) who is feeling stuck or stressed or anxious in some way. Try to engage them casually. When the opportunity arises, empathize first (e.g., “I can only imagine how difficult that must be.”) (and always avoid saying, “I know how you feel” because we rarely truly do). Then pose the simple questions: What are your choices? What’s one thing you might do?
Conversation Bonus: Any time you are tempted to ask “How are you?” or “How was your day?” stop yourself. Holleman advises us that are and was are weak verbs that aim to reflect an existential sense of being. That’s a pretty impossible question for casually passing someone in the hallway. Instead, Holleman suggest getting a bit more specific. Try some of her questions this week.
- What surprised you about your day today? Did you gain any insights?”
- What’s been a highlight of your day?
- Did anything interesting or unexpected happen today?
- Is there something specific you’re looking forward to today?
- Did anything make you smile today?
Homework Challenge: How might you apply these ideas in your work (professional life)? How might you apply them at home?
Additional reading: Holleman, Heather (2022). The Six Conversations: Pathways to connecting in an age of isolation and incivility. Moody Publishers. Chicago.
Ryan, R. and Deci E (January 2000). Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being. American Psychologist. Vol. 55, No. 1, 68-78 DOI: 10.1037110003-066X.55.1.68
Additional Resources: Dr. Brian Raison (raison.1@osu.edu) serves as a Professor and Extension Specialist at The Ohio State University. He has extracted these tools over the past dozen years from his formal classes and Extension programs. Free downloads and videos (and about 25 free e-book codes) are available online: http://encouragingmentor.com
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