A few years ago an assignment came my way due to a lack of personnel with the right experience. It featured a lot of diverse tasks to prepare a team for a challenging assignment involving advanced training, remote communication, outside agency networking/coordination & team building. After months of painstakingly detailed work, my bosses felt I had not asked the right questions, sweat the small stuff enough and let too many “balls drop”. In a one-way conversation, they fired me.
This hit me hard. I’d never been in this situation before. Even with this personal setback, the team was off & running. They had the resources needed to get the job done and had all dealt with changing variables out of our control in the best way possible. Their adaptability was impressive! Why had this happened? I’d done all anyone could do in my position, or so I thought. It seemed my best wasn’t good enough. Needless to say, I was devastated.
During our almost 50-year working lives we experience many ups & downs. Whether it’s a challenging assignment, a colleague’s personality, or a difficult boss they always exist. When we look back on these situations it’s often who maintained dignity through it all that we remember. Who dealt with adversity the best? Who came out better for it in the end? How did they grow?
We all find ourselves in difficult situations we wish we handled better. Learning what happens in these moments can help us navigate them and reduce our risk of high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes.
Check out what the Mayo Clinic has to say on this subject...
Chronic stress puts your health at risk
Education prepares us to tackle the "unknown" aspects of life we experience. Training prepares us for the "known" aspects of life we experience. One of the things we know about is our stress response. The hypothalamus part of our brain kicks in and adrenaline & cortisol hormones flood our bodies. This is the fight or flight response that is incredibly effective to help us survive. The problem comes in dealing with it when we're not in any real danger and how to help ourselves get back to normal when constant stressors are present.
If our bodies are filled with these stress-surviving hormones for prolonged periods, they can cause harmful effects on our overall health. This is when increased self-awareness can help.
Our outside world gives us signals of stressful events constantly. When we feel the surge of our fight or flight response kick in from outside stimulus it's important to resist the urge to quickly act on them. Our thoughts become reality through our behaviors. The key is to defuse the growing intensity of fear that we're not safe and get in alignment with the person we want to be. Here are three things to try...
- Self-talk
- Tell yourself you're going to be OK until you feel the fear settling down
- Box Breathing
- Breath in 4 counts; Hold 4 counts; Exhale 4 counts; Hold 4 counts
- Repeat until you feel the fear dissipate
- Meditation
- Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and repeat your favorite mantra like "Peace, Love, Acceptance" until you feel calm
- Close your eyes, breathe deeply, and repeat your favorite mantra like "Peace, Love, Acceptance" until you feel calm
Looking back on my situation, there were some situations I could have handled differently. To be fair, I didn’t actually lose my job, just eventually moved into a different role. Not being able to share in the overall team’s success was disappointing.
Had I done my best to keep leadership informed? I did work like a “lone ranger” as it felt like everything rested on my shoulders. I didn’t take the time to ask for help or inform my leaders of potential issues. I did seek out help from experts & learned a ton. The reverse mentoring I received was invaluable.
Had I done my best to get work done through others? I was hesitant to give away too many tasks but what I did ask others to do they tackled wonderfully. I could have trusted them to do more!
Did I do my best to develop positive relationships? I believe so with the exception of the leaders above me. With all that was on their plate I hadn’t given them timely communication about our challenges. The other internal/external relationships gained served us well and I’m proud to have been a small part of fostering them.
Had I done my best to maintain dignity & grow? Initially, I retreated inward, was angry at the way things were handled, and became a distant disengaged employee. After some mentoring sessions, I began to get back to my old self and learn from it all. Being disappointed is OK but resenting others' actions is damaging. This is easier said than done.
Overall, I feel as if I preserved my own dignity and have learned that regaining trust is very hard once it's lost. These situations are always a 2-way street and this has fueled my personal leadership development most of all.
Adapting our approach to leadership is paramount to developing and coaching others. Great leadership can and does make a key difference in all facets of our organizations. Hopefully, you never find yourself in the same predicament I found myself in. Having a model of "being the boss you'd like to have" will permeate where you work and create the right environment where trust can flourish. More importantly, others are counting on us to deliver after resisting the urge.
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